what does it mean that im still awake?

its one thing to quote a playwright about watching infomercials. its another to actually write. anyone can be cute about procrastination — like masturbation, afterall, its only fucking yourself — but it takes alot more to actually write.

W R I T E-

yes, it’s been a while. not that i was ever that good at it. but jesus, at least i showed up. it’s been a while.
the old goal was writing something for each book review. the old goal was writing something every few weeks, every few months, to ensure that i hadn’t become illiterate

but i have

there’s lots of interesting trips planned, to new york, to midwest baseball teams (kansas city, st louis, cincinatti), to the northeast (and then some) and there’s lots of work to be done to pay for all of them - but really, what is that? i’m not fucking producing anymore.

i hate to be such a goddamned artistE about it, but i can’t do anything but be this frustrated. its nobodys fault, nobodys fault but my own.